Only When I Dream
by wubbzy
Summary: May's a mere doll of what she once was when her entire family dies. Her heart is imprisoned in chains, and Ash will do whatever it takes to free her broken heart before it shatters completely. AaMayL. Advanceshipping. One-shot. For the Advancers Fanfiction Contest.


_Disclaimer:_ I don't own Pokemon.

 _Author's note:_ Well, this is kind of new for me. Hope y'all enjoy this!

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Theme: _Freedom  
Count: _2057

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 **Only When I Dream**

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 _I can still see your smiles_ _  
_ _I can still feel your warmth_ _  
_ _But only when I dream_

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The future seemed bright.

The world continued to turn. Everyone continued with their lives. Many smiled, excited for their futures, excited for what was to come next.

For May though, her world stopped. Her world stopped so abruptly, and her mind was muddled with denial.

She was far away from Hoenn. She was in Johto, preparing for her next contest and excited for her future. She wanted to become the winner of the Johto Grand Festival.

But that didn't matter to her anymore.

She was silent the entire time she was relayed the tragic news, but the voice in her head was screaming in anguish. Her heart pounded, and she felt as though she couldn't breathe.

She gasped for air as hard as she could, yet it _still_ felt like she didn't have enough.

 _Breathe, breathe, breathe._

She felt her lungs rising and falling, _faster and faster_. Her heart was constricting, _tighter and tighter_. And she just couldn't stand it anymore.

She collapsed to her knees, falling deeper and deeper into a darkness she never truly realized was there until now.

Her family that she loved, that were there for her through everything…

Her loving family…

They were dead.

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Three tombstones.

Just three tombstones.

That's all they were now.

The funeral ended long ago, but May couldn't bring herself to leave.

She just stared, mourning. Bleak thoughts reached her mind.

Sometimes, nothing would. She would simply just stare.

"Let me be alone with them, Ash," she said, because she didn't want to be near anyone at the moment. She wanted to talk to them in private.

Ash didn't say anything, but he respected her wishes. Ash didn't interrupt. He left her to lament, and hopefully have an inkling of peace.

But it was getting cold, and dark, and he knew if he didn't go back and say something, May would stay there until she froze.

So he came back.

He came back, placing a warm blanket over her, and handing her hot chocolate.

"Thanks," was all she said. This was all she could say, because she was rubbing her nose, and wiping away tears.

He wasn't sure what she told them that day, but he hoped she truly did make peace.

He came back, and he promised himself, that this time, he would stay with her no matter what.

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Ash was persistent.

May just wanted to be alone.

Ash new she shouldn't be alone, so he kept showing up, kept trying to help her, kept _talking_ … stammering, now, she presumed. But talking nonetheless.

"I'm sorry, May," he apologized.

"You keep apologizing," she noticed, and she turned away, feeling too weary to look him in the eyes.

"May," he called.

"What?"

"Please talk to me."

"Why are you even here? You're supposed to be in Sinnoh. You're supposed to be winning your next gym battle," she said, finally mustering the strength to show her face to him.

"Because you're not supposed to be alone," he answered. She turned away again, feeling fragile and broken.

"Why don't you just leave me alone? I want to be alone."

"Because you're lying," he stated, and her jaw clenched.

"Ash…" Her eyes were brimming with tears.

"You can cry, it's okay if you cry," he reassured, and she wiped away the tears she was fighting. He rubbed small circles in her back.

"I'm here for you, okay? I'm always here for you."

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May couldn't smile anymore.

Sometimes she would, but it's not the same as he remembered. She was so cheerful before, and she would talk a lot, her eyes shining with excitement for the possibilities.

Now, May had to coerce herself into a smile.

She wanted to fool everyone. Let them know she was better, that she was moving forward.

Ash knew better.

He would do whatever it took to cheer her up.

"You're in for a treat, I'm cooking you a surprise!" He urged her to sit down, excitement running through him as he thought this might make her smile.

"You don't have to," she told him, but he just beamed.

"I wanted to, May." He wanted to make her happy. He knew food would be a good way.

She loved food.

"You can't cook, Ash," May reminded.

"We'll see about that! I can try!"

May was curious, her mind preoccupied with what Ash might make. She inquisitively eyed the kitchen.

"No peeking! It's a surprise!" he called, catching her trying to take a glance. Her face scrunched up, feeling the need to know.

After a half hour, Ash came in with burgers, excited. He knew these were her favorites. As he brought the plate down, he examined May, observing her blank stare.

"May, your favorite food is a hamburger, right?" She merely nodded. "What's wrong? Is it that bad?" he inquired and she shook her head, biting her lip. She recalled that it was her father, Norman, who made the best hamburgers on the grill. Her lips pursed, and her eyes grew somber.

Memories of Maple family barbecues flooded her mind.

She was drowning in the memories, knowing there would be no new memories of her family laughing around her backyard, as Norman told random stories.

No Max to tell her the latest news in the pokemon world.

No mom lovingly giving her advice, smiling, and hugging her.

No more family, saying how much they believe in her, saying they love her.

"Excuse me, I have to go. Sorry, Ash," she said, running out of the dining room. Ash frowned, not sure what he did wrong.

"May! I'm sorry for whatever I did wrong, I'm sorry. I was only trying to make you happy. I'm sorry if I upset you," he apologized.

"Ash, no. It's not your fault. I just got caught up in old memories," she explained. "I'm sorry if it looked like I was mad with you, but you did nothing wrong. Thank you for taking the time to make me a meal. I really appreciate it."

"Well you didn't eat any of it. Is my cooking that bad?" he teased, and May's lips curled up into a smile.

"Well, now that you mention it," she joked. Ash pouted.

"You haven't even tried it."

"I… I guess I should, shouldn't I?"

The grin that formed on his face made May's breath hitch for a brief second. His smile… it radiated warmth.

Her insides felt something they hadn't felt in a while.

Her smile brightened.

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"Ash, you can't participate in the Sinnoh League anymore," she observed. "It's too late, and you're still in Hoenn. You didn't collect all the badges you needed. You shouldn't be here. You should be in Sinnoh."

"May, I'm exactly where I need to be. Here. With you."

May frowned.

"I'm costing you your dream of being a Pokemon Master."

"I wouldn't want to be a Pokemon Master if I can't even bother to help a friend along the way. Kinda makes me a douche."

She snorted, "Right. Should have known."

She turned away from him. He frowned.

"Don't blame yourself. Don't ever blame yourself," he pleaded. He grabbed a hold of her hand, hoping she'd look into his eyes, see his conviction, and see his determination to help her get through this.

She wanted to cry.

"May," he said, trying to find words to speak. None were coming to the forefront of his mind, so he took her hand instead.

He had no words, so he just held her hand, in hopes to placate her. May looked up towards him, confused, and tormented.

He was willing to do so much for her. When she found out about the accident, when she found out about their death, her whole world stopped.

She felt as though she couldn't move.

She felt alone.

But Ash. Ash looked at her, and smiled at her, and was being strong for her.

And now he held her hand, and she realized.

He would never leave her alone.

Her whole world stopped, and she couldn't move. As much as she couldn't move, Ash wouldn't either.

Because when she stopped, he was willing to stop with her.

She sniffled, wiping her tears with her other hand. She looked up, and her eyes shined with gratitude.

May had Ash, and he would not let go of her hand.

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"May, I'm not saying to go off now, but don't forget about your dream forever, alright? I'm sure your parents would want you to go for your dream," Ash attempted to convince.

May was silent. She could not say anything. Ash frowned, feeling he said the wrong thing at the wrong time.

Her dream.

She dreamt of smiling faces. She dreamt of a time when she could still hear her mom's angelic voice, calling her name for dinner, her dad's rigid voice when he would call out attacks when he was battling, or her brother's, relaying information. She saw their expressions, the color of their eyes, their smiling faces.

She dreamt of warmth. She dreamt of the warmth she would receive whenever she was in her family's embrace. Of how nice it felt to go back home after a long journey.

No, she could _not_ go for her dream.

Her dream was _dead._

"Ash, that's easy for you to say. You still have your mom! Mine is dead! She's never coming back. My dad, my brother, they're all dead. I have no one! You _don't_ understand! Just leave me alone right now, Ash," she seethed, and Ash never heard her with so much venom, it stung him. She looked at him in the corner of her eye, and she saw his hurt expression, but he did not move. She felt bad, but turned away, hoping he'd get the hint and leave.

A tense silence permeated the air with May's back turned.

She heard footsteps.

He must have finally left. He must have finally moved on, and let go.

Her chest constricted, the chains in her heart wrapping tighter. She understood why he would leave, though. She lashed out at him, moody, and was unwilling to work with him, but he truly didn't understand what she was going through. He didn't know. He never felt lost like this. He was always smiling. He permeated a warmth about him that she wish she could go back to.

Arms wrapped around her, and she grew stiff, gasping at the sudden physical contact.

"I know I don't understand what you're going through. I really don't. I'm sorry. But… I don't want to leave you alone. I want to be with you. I-I just want to help," he confessed, and her eyes widened.

She couldn't hold back this time. They died in a car accident. It was completely unexpected, and took away the people she loved most in a blink of an eye.

She sobbed, because now she wasn't sure what to do. Tears cascaded down her cheek.

She didn't want Ash to see her like this, with so many emotions finally gushing out, but she couldn't bring herself to care.

"I'm sorry for what I said. I-I don't know what I'm going to do anymore. My family. I regret not staying in Hoenn longer. I wish I could have done something. I should have been here, I should have!" May wailed, falling to her knees. Ash went down with her, never releasing her from his embrace.

"I miss them so much! I won't ever see them again. They won't ever come back. I can't go forward like this, without them," she grieved. "They didn't deserve this, they didn't."

May mourned, and Ash held her through every step of the way.

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Eventually, she would stop crying. Eventually, she would be able to move forward.

Eventually, the chains in her chest would loosen. It still hurt, but eventually her heart wouldn't ache as much.

With his embrace, with his warmth close to her, her heart was able to mend, slowly, but surely.

Her heart was able to gain freedom from its enclosed prison, from the chains that would often constrict, tighter and tighter.

There was a point, where she almost lost herself to it. Where she broke, where those chains almost constricted too tightly, where her world stopped.

But moving seemed like a possibility now.

In his arms, she had warmth.

May had hope.

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 _AN:_ Oh goodness, I'm in tears right now. Truly. I can't believe I wrote this. Hopefully you guys liked this! I'm soooo sorry this sounds rushed. I had to work quickly with the time allotted. Sorry if this sounds like crap or not believable or whatever else it might be! X_X

But thanks for reading! Check out the Advancers site if you are interested in reading more advanceshipping fics or want to participate in a contest since we have lots of activities for this summer! Let me know what you think in a review!


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